The Darkest Hour

In the early hours of the morning, when I cannot sleep and the world outside is grey and barely stirring, I often become overwhelmed by anxiety and the repetitive thoughts that seem to take over. Then I hear the birdsong and despite all of my fear and anxiety, I know that I made it through the last day and into the next one. When I had lost all hope and spent many of my days in complete despair as I was not sure I was ever going to find a way forward, that was one of the thoughts that used to pull me through. Now, I cherish the sound of birdsong - and I even look forward to it when I have had one of my long, sleepless nights. I look forward to the early hours and to the first chinks of light as I know a new day as arrived. Then I start to think of all of the good things in my life and all of the things I care about and even in the darkest of days - and the darkest of hours - that gives me reason to hold on. And as they say "the darkest hour is always before dawn".

You are not alone

If it feels like you are wading through the darkness or like dark clouds have gathered above you, then rest assured that you are far from alone. Depression can affect anyone, rich or poor, famous or not famous; depression does not care. The stats show that one in four of us will suffer from depression and that depression - and the anxiety that often comes with depression - are the most common forms of mental illness, so if you are suffering in the same way then remember you really aren't alone. Sharing how I was really feeling was the toughest thing for me. Sometimes I put a pretty good front on it and like most people I could pretend I was happy when I wasn't. At others times I liked to think that it must be obvious and desperately hoped that someone would notice how low I was feeling. but it was down to me to say that I needed help and not anyone else. For me, it was a private battle - and most days had become a battle - until I got to the point when I finally said "no more". As I have found, there is plenty of help out there and no one will hear your cries for help unless you shout loud enough. Actively seek help, and you'll find it. If you feel unable to talk to a doctor, then find one you can talk to and take it step-by-step.

Depression

I can't remember when my battle with depression first started, but it continues until this day. Now, however, things are about to change as I made the decision to not live with it any longer and to take the steps I need to get help.

Plucking up the courage to tell someone was by no means easy, but I am so glad that I have done it. I sat in the doctor's surgery crying - mainly with relief- after I finally told someone how bad I was really  feeling. I had been reluctant to seek help due to some of the nightmare stories I had heard about medications and many other stories from people who tried to get the help they so desperately needed, but found their doctors unwilling or unable to help.

Fortunately, I have been blessed with a brilliant doctor who offered me all of the help and support that I needed - and I can't ask for better than that.

This blog will share the details of my battle with depression as well as news on the latest research and inspirational stories from those who have fought - and ultimately won - their own battle with depression.